Why You Keep Repeating the Same Patterns (And How to Break Them)
Have you ever gotten to the end of a day and thought, “How am I here again?”
Same reaction.
Same tension.
Same story.
You’re not broken. You’re not failing. And you’re definitely not alone.
We repeat patterns because, in the moment, our nervous system thinks it’s keeping us safe. Even when the patterns don’t actually feel helpful, they’re familiar. Predictable. Automatic.
And unless we pause long enough to notice what’s really happening inside, we keep looping.
The good news?
You don’t need to overhaul your whole life to shift a pattern.
You just need a little awareness, a little space, and a little compassion.
Let’s walk through this together.
Why You’re Stuck in the Same Loop
Patterns aren’t random. They come from:
1. Old stories and unconscious beliefs
Somewhere along the way, your system picked up a message like:
“I need to hold everything together.”
“I can’t ask for help.”
“If I slow down, I’ll fall behind.”
These beliefs live in the background, quietly steering the wheel.
2. Automatic nervous system responses
When something feels stressful, your body reacts before you do:
Tight chest
Spinning thoughts
Snapping in a moment of overwhelm
Shutting down emotionally
Your brain thinks: “Ah yes, we’ve been here. Let’s do what we always do.”
And there you go….the pattern repeats.
3. Habitual behavior loops
Once a reaction becomes familiar, your brain takes the shortcut.
Not because you’re weak or “should know better,”
but because shortcuts conserve energy.
This is biology, not a personal failure.
How to Break the Pattern (Without Trying to Be a Whole New Person…that’s not the goal!)
Pattern-breaking isn't about force or perfection. It’s not about getting rid of anything, it’s about expanding your options. It’s about creating space. Small moments of awareness that open the door to choice.
Here’s how to begin, gently: (remember…curiosity with compassion, not inner critic, please)
1. Notice the first signal, not the full meltdown
Most patterns give you a “little nudge” before the big reaction.
Maybe it’s a knot in your stomach.
Or your jaw tightening, or holding your breath.
Or you suddenly need to rush, fix, explain, or shut down.
Just noticing that signal is a brave, powerful first step.
2. Add a 10-second pause
Ten seconds.
That’s it.
You can put your hand on your chest, take one slower breath, or simply say,
“I’m having a moment.” Or repeat to yourself “It’s ok, I’m ok…” and breathe and pause.
That pause interrupts the autopilot long enough for something new to happen.
3. Get curious about what’s underneath
Curiosity is much kinder than judgment and in fact, far more effective.
Ask yourself:
What am I actually feeling right now?
What part of me is activated? What am I sensing in my body?
What does this moment remind me of? How old (or young) am I feeling?
What do I need? (Even if it feels small.)
Your nervous system responds beautifully to curiosity.
4. Choose one small shift
You don’t need and entire makeover, or to make huge changes.
Just one small shift.
Maybe you:
soften your shoulders
take one deep breath with a longer exhale
name your feeling quietly
ask for two minutes before responding
remind yourself, “I don’t have to solve this right now.”
Even the small shift can make a big impact.
They create new patterns, rooted in self-awareness and presence.
What Starts to Change
When you practice these micro-pauses and small shifts, something beautiful happens:
You feel calmer, faster
You notice & observe rather than get triggered
You begin responding instead of reacting
You feel more like yourself…the grounded, wise, compassionate version
And the people around you feel that shift too.
Patterns have a ripple effect…and so does healing. And small shifts have positive momentum.
A Simple Integration Practice
Here’s a grounding moment you can try today:
The Pattern Interrupt:
Pause.
Inhale for 4.
Exhale for 6.
Ask: “What is the most compassionate thing I can do for myself in this moment?”
Let that answer guide your next small step.
It really can be that simple.
Interested in Shifting Patterns?
This is the heart of my work…I create a safe space to help you understand yourself with compassion (setting aside that inner critic) so you can make choices that feel aligned, grounded, and true to who you are.
If you're ready for deeper guidance, my 1:1 coaching and intensives give you the tools, practices, and support to make lasting change from the inside out.
You don’t have to do this alone.
And you don’t have to keep repeating the same patterns.
I’m here for you and cheering you on! 💚 Molly
Hi.
I’m Molly Knutson-Keller, a life-long learner, meaning-maker and joy-creator. And I can’t wait to meet you.
Professional Life Coach, Certified Enneagram Coach & Teacher, Somatic Practitioner, ELCA Pastor
““When I first met Molly I was instantly drawn to her warmth and genuine nature. Through her guidance I have been able to achieve a long time goal. She helps me develop clarity when I am stuck and focus on actionable steps to move forward. I am truly blessed to have her on my team. I highly recommend her as a guide in your journey!”
